Actually instead of throat clearing let me just write
How anti-social is it ok to be?
So I think the answer here really is “do what you want to do, follow your genuine desires”.
So e.g. this morning, I woke up after a bad night of sleep, I stayed in bed until 11:30 and somehow still felt, still feel, groggy as hell. There’s tension in my face, some stuckness that I don’t yet understand. Partly, I feel a little overwhelmed; I have a lot of open loops. Funny, Simon Ohler is on this writing call with me and he just had a tweet blow up re: open loops.
What are my open loops?
Messages to reply to
Homework for [redacted]
Figuring out what to do next re: volunteering at EA Hotel
Enormous Apple Notes note called “inbox” full of possible ideas
Meditation course with Daniel Brottman → I haven’t been meditating and don’t really want to do the 1:1 call with him today. Something about how meditation is just not at all interesting to me, how there’s always better stuff to do
Airpods → I’m thinking that I should ask a friend at the hotel to have my airpods so I’m more bored and more sociable
Oh shit, what if I gave my friend my iPhone too??
“Am I being too anti-social at the hotel?”
Do I want to do consensus-ism coaching? I mean, obviously not, right? But do I want to talk to people more about it to see if I can be convinced?
Talk with [redacted] and write up a memo
Do I want to write more?
Do I want to e.g. quit youtube properly?
What else is making me feel bad?
Got out of bed at 11:30 today, feeling behind
Still residual guilt in my system re: going to bed early on halloween
Not looking forward to the gym today → feeling off/bad, and don’t wanna have to talk to my gym buddy
Anyway so this was going to be a thing about how I went downstairs, there were 4 people sat around the dining room table (already in conversation) and I just wanted to grab my breakfast stuff and go upstairs. I think this is a pretty normal feeling, especially if you wake up all groggy and tense and out-of-sorts - I didn’t want to talk to people, I felt pretty bad. Why is it so difficult for me to just honour my genuine desires?
Things to be grateful for
I have moved into a different room today and holy shit is it like 5x better.
It’s like 3x the size, the last room literally couldn’t have been smaller, not even room to stretch.
It has an ensuite! Huge
It has big bay windows, and a desk. This is where I’m writing from
Gym buddy
Even though I’m not in the mood today, I imagine it’ll get me out of my bad mood. Also, I’m super super lucky to have a really passionate gym buddy to go to the gym every weekday with. No way I’d be this consistent on my own, I’m gonna be fuckin STRONG
I’m really lucky to have had such a lovely relationship for ~10 years.
Wildly meaningful, sweet, growthful. And yesterday I was thinking about her whilst I was cooking for everyone at the hotel, how much she taught me. Really feels like now that I’ve rewritten this story/conclusion to a much more grateful one, I can honour & celebrate our relationship much more
Lucky to have my personality
E.g. I had a call with a woman I briefly dated the other day and I think she’s really fantastic, and it’s really cool that I’m like, in her league. She’s older and wiser and taller and funny and a great writer etc. I’m really lucky that the path that I’ve been on has gotten me to a place where I can keep up with someone like her
I’m lucky to have so many people in my corner
I have 3+ mentors who are really on my side!
And I have a bunch of friends who really like me
Lucky to have had my life arc
It’s been very interesting and meaningful
So, my story re: the mythopoesis project is that, whilst I haven’t written in-depth about every new story, I’ve gotten to the meta-story of “I am lucky”, and now I can use that dynamically to be like “oops, caught myself complaining about x, actually why am I lucky to have x?”
What I will do after this call ends
Shower → even though I’ll be going to the gym an hour later, I think it’ll help me wake up
Stretch → 1 week of working out + barely stretching + sleeping badly has got me feeling BAD in my body dude. I need to get a daily stretching habit locked in for real, it ruins my sleep to have tension in my body.
